Log Title: Buyer's Remorse
Summary: Kagami and Winter reconnect.
IC Date: Mon Mar 25 20:24, 2381
OOC Date: Mon Mar 25 20:24, 2019
Related Logs: None
kagamiwinter

 

 

* OOC Time: Mon Mar 25 18:24:14 2019 *

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The alert goes out SOS. K's apartment is absolutely destroyed. Pictures are on the ground and shattered, booked everywhere, book cases tipped over. It's dark and there is not a single light on but there is something coming from the Office. A small mewing and a little claw paw coming from under the door trying to get out. Inside the office there is a kitten, food for the kitten, a lot of water, and two VR chairs. One is occupied by a Kagami wearing an oversized track suit. He's not pale or skinny, in fact he's probably gained weight. Though the alert was for hydration. His lips are chapped and it's clear he's been in that VR sim for a while.

* * *

Winter's ONI flickers with a hydration alert for one Ryuumi Kagami which is a little bit surprising, considering Kagami stopped being their patient a little over a week ago. Which is about when they remember these alerts existed in the first place, and they forgot to ask Kagami's family to deactivate them when Kagami decided to discontinue their sessions. They send an ONI message to the young man in question:

Winter > Kagami, I've gotten an ONI alert that you're dehydrated. I'd forgotten to ask to have such alerts deactivated. Just checking in before I do so. Everything all right?

* * *

The user is connected and a return message from Kagami > Sessions reinitialize request. Requesting assistance.

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Winter > Okay. What's going on?

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Kagami > I feel like a bomb. I can tell you when the night is coming and I can't crawl back. Never been this way.

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Winter > If I'm getting alerts that you're dehydrated, you need to take care of that, first. Get a bottle of water, and then can you make it to my office? I can move my schedule around, if you need to talk now.

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Kagami > I have water right here. Can't even move to it. Feel heavy. Dehydration doesn't make you feel like this in a day.

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Winter > Are you hurt? Should I call an ambulance for you?

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Kagami > I am unharmed. I am healing well. I really want to get up but everything feels like lead.

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Winter > Where are you, and what are you doing?

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Kagami > At home, in VR.

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Winter > Okay. First thing, I'd like you to log out of VR. Unfortunately, water there can't hydrate your sleeve.

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Kagami > Out. Staring at angry kitten beside his food dish.

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Winter > First, get some physical water. Then, feed your kitten.

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Kagami > You already said first, Doc!

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The Hydration alert turns off.

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Winter > Good. That sounds a bit more like you. Third, come to my office if you'd like to talk.

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Kagami > Let me clean up then I'll be there. Give me an hour to clean and head over.

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Winter > I'll see you then.

In the meantime, Winter heads out and around the corner to get a couple more bottles of water as well as a large order of dumplings from the noodle place. Somehow, dumplings seem to have become comfort food.

* * *

The tech arrives wearing skinny jeans but an over sized sweatshirt and a beanie. He doesn't look bad at all. He appears fine though he could probably be considered tired. He's gained some weight since Winter last saw him.

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Winter's laid out the dumplings and the waters on the table in the waiting room. They open the door for Kagami and gesture for them to sit. "Help yourself. I was guessing if you hadn't had water for a while, it's likely you hadn't eaten, either."

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Kagami walks in and takes a seat. He nods his head to her and grabs a few dumplins and some water. He eats them all and then lifts his eyes. "I got a report from dad. This sleeve is going to be the death of me."

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"How so?" Winter asks, collecting a couple dumplings before taking their own seat across the table from Kagami.

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He looks at her. "You know about the parasites. Survived those, thanks to he who shall not be named." He grumbles. "I'm lacking some neurotransmitters. I thought I was going insane. I didn't understand why my emotions were going berzerk and thought that it was just age. After research, this sleeve also had a history of depression caused by a chemical imbalance. Once my father told me, he…." He shakes his head. "I thought I could handle it but the world is full of darkness."

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Winter considers as they take a bite of dumpling, chewing thoughtfully. "In all honesty, my advice at this point would be to change sleeves. If that's not possible, you should start on medications for depression to address the chemical imbalance."

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Kagami grumbles. "It's not possible, you know that." He takes a deep breath. "What do I have to do? I can't do this alone but I refuse to burden anyone with this."

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"I don't know that," Winter replies, "and I'm not sure you should accept it so easily, either. It sounds to me as if your family was deceived in the sleeve they purchased and recompense is owed. Unless they knew they were buying a model with parasites and mental health issues?"

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He takes a deep breath. "Father told me it was the most reasonable one he could get. Basically a shady back alley deal. At this point Doc, this is me now. I have to fix me."

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"Well, you could fix you by selling this sleeve and using the credits to buy another one. There are shady back alley sleeve dealers that actually care for their reputation and won't pull one over on their clients because they'd like repeat business," Winter replies. They finish off the dumpling. "Otherwise, the work is going to be two-fold. First, finding the right medications to address your depression. Second, realizing that you're going to need a support network for this and accepting that fact."

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He nods his head and sits back drinking some of the water. "First one seems more trial and error so only a matter of time but the second? I don't have family let alone friends." He rubs his forehead. "And meeting someone with the opening 'Hi I have depression will you be part of my support network' doesn't seem like a viable friend making line."

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"I don't think I'd open with that line, no, anymore than anyone introduces themself by listing their personal issues and then asking for friendship," Winter opines. "Rather, I would recommend making connections as you always have. And, there are support groups available for those living with depression. I'll send a list of them to your ONI as well as a list of psychiatrists who will assess you and be able to medically address depression. I'm afraid that's outside the purview of psychosurgery. My work is done in VR, and that divorces the mind from the chemical brain, which isn't helpful in treating depression."

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He nods his head and frowns. "Thank you." He speaks softly. He pushes himself up and grabs a few more dumplings, putting a full water bottle into his pocket. "If I'm outside your work, I'm sorry for wasting your time." He bows his head. "Thanks again." He turns to leave.

* * *

"That wasn't meant as an insult or a dismissal," Winter replies gently, "and it's not very fair of you to interpret it that way. I want you to get the best help that you can. In this case, that's a psychiatrist rather than a psychosurgeon. I'm happy to continue to meet with you as well, but it wouldn't be appropriate for me to try and medically manage your case."

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He turns and shakes his head. "I didn't say I was insulted. I just…" He grumbles and takes a seat. "No it's not fair of me but all I see are betrayals and everyone dislikes me anyway so why wouldn't you." He grabs another dumpling. "I want to continue our sessions and it will be easier to know what not to share with you cause… you know… Royal and well that's a conflict if I bring that up so other stuff.. We can talk of other stuff."

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"Well," Winter points out gently, "as you're coping with a gender switch, a sleeve death and now clinical depression, is it not possible that your perception of how people view you may be… not entirely accurate?" They cant their head. "Tell me why discussing Royal is a conflict? It would be helpful to know why you abruptly discontinued our sessions in the first place, as well. You seemed angry with me at Liquid Air and then…" Winter's hand lifts up and out at an angle, suggesting a plane taking off or something darting out of view.

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The young man takes a breath. "When I came to you upset, said what I did - sitting outside this man's door - you said Royal. You knew as if he'd told you already. I spoke with Royal when he was being a dick and seemed surprised that you were my psychosurgeon as if he knew you. So you two know each other either as patient doc or friends. Me telling you how I feel about another patient or your friend possibly won't give proper perspective. I was angry because you knew him and I was angry with him."

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"I do know him," Winter agrees with a small nod, "He came to speak to me regarding the Longbow case, as I was at the Fatale fight, and we have become friends since. I understand if that makes it uncomfortable for you to discuss him with me, but that's a second reason to see a psychiatrist. If there are things you and I can't discuss, that you should discuss professionally with someone, well, you need said someone."

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The tech nods his head. "I won't speak of him. I will speak with someone else about my feelings or now…loathing that I'm trying to change into indifference." He grumbles. "Can we talk about… why the fuck when I was in the hospital my mom didn't show up and my dad didn't even visit. It's like…they are trying to push me away."

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"Absolutely," Winter replies with a nod. "Tell me about that."

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The man grumbles quietly. "It felt…" He chews his bottom lip. "Like I wasn't their kid anymore. They didn't want me." He sighs. "My father has seen me but my mother refuses too. That's a deep cut."

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"That is," Winter agrees. "And, you say your parents spent considerable money to resleeve you. Why do you think they've avoided you, now you're living your life in this sleeve they provided?"

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The tech frowns a thinks about it. "My dad keeps calling me daughter so perhaps the sleeve itself not being female or asian." He drinks back some water. "My mother flat out says 'You aren't my daughter anymore'. Is there a… thing that people who know those who resleeve dislike that sleeve or are adverse to it?"

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"Sometimes, people have a hard time adjusting when a close family member takes a new sleeve," Winter says. "And I worry that may be what's going on with your parents. Do you think they would be willing to come for a family session or two? The three of you?"

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He grumbles. "I could try to convince them but I don't think they want me anymore." He sips more water as his own eyes water. He wipes them and growls a little. "I will ask."

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"I would at least extend the invitation. If that's not something they're willing to do, I'd recommend writing your feelings down in a letter to them. You don't have to send it, but sometimes just putting those thoughts out into the world is helpful and cathartic," Winter says.

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He nods his head. "Alright. I got a kitten." He speaks softly to her. "His name is Luci. He's small and tortie and talkative. I get guff for going to bed without permission." He grins a little.

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"You did mention a kitten," Winter agrees with a faint smile. "A male tortoiseshell? That's very rare."

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He blinks a few times. "Rare really? I got him at a shelter. At least I am pretty sure it's male? I hope he's male cause we had a bromance!"

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"Mmm," Winter agrees with a nod. "Because coat color is sex-linked, almost all tri-colored cats are female. But, I suspect he's male if the shelter said so, especially if he's already been neutered. Hard to get it wrong in that case." They quirk a faint smile.

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The young man blinks as he's told. "Interesting. I am glad he's a dude. We have bro days. He's truly my only friend right now though he has to get used to the litter box or so help me god…"

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"Well, he's a baby and an animal, Kagami," Winter points out gently. "If he's struggling to transition or making mistakes, he's likely confused or unsure rather than being malevolent. Perhaps a book or VR tutorial on feline behavior might be helpful to better understand him?"

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Kag frowns. "I did my research before I went out and got one. They are supposed to come preprogrammed." He crosses his arms. "I have two litters too. One in my bedroom and one in the main room. I show him and he just likes the bathroom so I put another one in there and he doesn't use it."

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"Well, I'm not a veterinary behaviorist. All I can say is that nothing living ever really comes preprogrammed, in my experience," Winter replies.

<FADE OUT>