Log Title: Wanna Buy a Date?
Summary: Kagami, on the advice (and dime) of Royal, goes to seek out a House Courtesan to help him…adjust…to his new body.
IC Date: Mon Feb 25 20:59, 2381
OOC Date: Mon Feb 25 20:59, 2019
Related Logs: None
kagamiaseneth

 

 

"However, what I -do- know is that yes, absolutely - you should touch your bits. Often."

* OOC Time: Mon Feb 25 18:59:52 2019 *

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The bill that came in was strange. It was on Dante Leopold Taylor the Duke of Cumberland's bill but it was for another. The request was 'This young man is cross-sleeved in a much younger sleeve and requires assistance in learning about his sleeve.' Kagami is brought into the room and he removes his shoes at the door, hangs up his jacket and walks over to the giant glass wall. He stays a little back and wraps his arms over his skinny stomach. He's wearing skinny dark wash jeans still being held up with a brown belt and a simple t-shirt which fits well. His socks are bright yellow/green. His hair is still wet from the rain storm outside so it's pushed back out of his face.

* * *

Aseneth is sitting on a large cushy chair, her synthetic legs crossed and wearing a little black dress with matching heels. Her hair is in an emaculate updo. There are plenty of times Aseneth shows her more private self; her foibles, background and emotional weaknesses. While on the job is not one of those times. Her face is a careful mask of patience and warmth, and nothing else. When Kamagi comes in, she gives him a quick once over, then stands. "Hello there, welcome, welcome. You can call me Aseneth. You are, I presume, the one that Duke Taylor made the reservation for?" she asks. "How would you prefer I address you?"

* * *

Kagami clutches his non-existent pearls when he's greeted. He was a little scared having been so focused on the window he didn't see her there. He turns and grins warmly. "Hi." He bows his head and nods. "Hello Aseneth." He brings his hands together in front of himself. "Yes, ma'am. He said it would help. You can call me Kagami or… K…or hey you. I get all of those." He bows his head. Wet hair falling into his face.

* * *

Aseneth returns the bow. "Greetings then, Kagami." she says. "Please, sit down and lets have a chat. I'm not unfamiliar with your situation. I've had a great many appearances in my current work, as you might imagine. Tell me about yourself, how you feel, and what you feel is wrong."

* * *

He moves over to a chair and sits down, heavily. More like a flop. He winces, gets up and then both hands grab the thighs of his jeans and pulls them up a little before he sits down again. He nods his head and thinks. "I … was a hacker and a tech. I was call upon to help the Police and went to a place which I knew I shouldn't have and while I was fixing a stack, this whole area…" He gestures to his chest and stomach. "Got blown out of me… so many shots though my back." He rubs his forehead. "I died. My parents asked for a specific sleeve with augmentations and they only got the augmentations." He speaks softly. "I feel like this sleeve is right but I don't … " He lifts those blue eyes. "…I don't know how to care for it." He sighs quietly. "I have a LOT of cold showers because this body… is… at it… all the time."

* * *

Aseneth nods slowly. "So your not obsessing over the difference in gender roles, but merely the physical differences - how to handle the different urges, hormones, habbits and so on?" the synthetic clarifies. "Obsession over gender roles is one sign of dysphoria, but even beyond that, one of the problems with cross-sleeving is simply that you spend your entire life used to one set of brain and hormones, and then you have a fully-formed…different set. It can be quite…" A pause. "Well, exactly as you've seen. For some, it might be interesting, if very temporary. For others, overwhelming and exhausting."

* * *

Kagami nods his head. "I'm all man." He raises his thumb and brushes it on the bottom of his nose and up nods before chuckles. "I still miss skirts because the breeze and these little dudes are sensitive." He points to his bits. He shakes his head. "It's the physical. I don't know how to deal with all this. Also, I've been eating so much recently but still losing weight, I just don't understand that." He points out to the synth. "It's yeah. Overwhelming and exhausting are good terms."

* * *

"They are quite sensitive." Aseneth agrees. "Lets focus on something simple, like hunger. How do you feel right now - are you hungry?" A pause. "Don't think about it - just answer me."

* * *

He nods his head and then at the question. "Yes. I'm starving. I could eat a whole cow." He almost growls though he stops and covers his lips. "Actually…I just had a salad. I should be okay."

* * *

"Interesting." Aseneth says. "One of the things I was taught, long ago - was that, when switching bodies, I had to keep in mind that I was not that body." she explains. "This was easy, because even with other bodies like my own, I had some amount of dysphoria. I've had many temporary bodies. But my mind would not always like the state of my body - your mind wants to be who you were, and is resisting the brain within it. Perhaps in time your brain would change your mind. Perhaps not. I'm no expert on personality frag - but I do know something about your current situation. What always helped me was something like method acting. You are not the sort of person who eats more then a salad. You know this over the course of your life. But you were not born as you are. The body you wear - the sleeve; if you were born this boy, what would /he/ have for lunch?" She point towards a vanity. "Go, look in the mirror and tell me what that boy would have for lunch. Don't answer as yourself. Answer as you imagine he would be. Pretend you are an actor."

* * *

The young man stands up and moves over to the vanity. He leans forward and looks at his face. He starts lightly poking beauty marks on his face and then looks right into his eyes. "My eyes are beautiful. I've never had blue eyes. Always dark brown." He blushes a little and stands up. "What would he eat? I don't know…" He rubs his eyes. "Maybe a thick hamburger, with a salad….and a chocolate shake…" His stomach growls out and he shushes it.

* * *

Aseneth considers. She looks about to speak, then shuts her mouth, and is silent for a moment. "Actually, thats a good start. If that boy wants a hamburger, with a salad and a shake, why can't he have one? Would you tell him not to have one? Is there anything wrong with it?"

* * *

Kagami turns and looks at her for a moment before mumbling out. "I don't want to get fat…" He bows his head and foots the ground lightly before moving back over and flopping in the chair.

* * *

"But I didn't ask you what /you/ wanted to do." Aseneth asks. "I asked you what the boy would do, if he were still in control of his body."

* * *

He lifts his eyes. "He'd go out, get somewhat intoxicated before fucking, getting fucked, finishing drinking and passing out in a bed that's not his but he'll learn that in the morning."

* * *

"Really?" Aseneth asks. "You don't think there's any chance the boy wouldn't have a cheeseburger and a chocolate shake? Why not?"

* * *

He grins a little. "Yeah. That'd be before the alcohol. Big cheeseburger… like this big." He makes a huge size sandwich. He sighs happily at the thought of it.

* * *

"So, thinking of what the boy would want - you think he'd want a cheeseburger. But you'd rather just have a salad, if we are speaking of you, correct?" Aseneth says.

* * *

He blushes and bows his head. "I put weight on easily so while I'd love a cheeseburger I might as well glue it to my ass. A salad keeps me in my pants."

* * *

Aseneth stands up and paces around several times, her heels clacking on the metallic floor. Every so often, she glances at Kagami. "Alright, so, I have two opinions here. First, as you probably know, and I have already said - your mind may not have a problem with your gender, but it does have a problem with your body." she says. "My second thoughts are this. We could try for a quick and dirty solution, if your willing to put forth effort. I'm not sure how strong willed you are. I suspect you are fairly strong willed, to be able to do this to yourself. I know that I usually use my own willpower to harm myself, so thats my guess. It wouldn't make you feel any better, or any more comfortable - but I've always been a fan of faking it until you make it." She shrugs. "That's the path I personally chose in my life. The second option is slower. We try to actually get you to turn your mind off. Its a traditionally male attitude to think that a round of drinking and eating, or a few days of sex, will help - I doubt it - but enough of it, sure. Turn off the brain enough times, and the body will slowly influence you. I think you already hear your body fine, I think your just tuning it out. I can't make your choices for you, but I can help you however you'd prefer."

* * *

The young man watches her pace before he starts to look more and more confused. "I have great willpower but I don't know what you are talking about. And holy fuck you hurt yourself?" He seems more concerned for her now. He pushes himself up and frowns. "Why do you hurt yourself? Can I help you not?" He blinks those beautiful baby blues towards her.

* * *

Aseneth sighs and sits back down. "I hurt myself the same way you are hurting yourself now. Your putting the desires of your mind first, and tuning out your body. You are not merely your mind- you are a combination of your mind and your sleeve. Your sleeve is telling you it has urges. You ignore those urges - you starve your sleeve, you take cold showers. You despise your body by ignoring it. Is that not harm? Is not self loathing - regardless of whether or not you intend it - a form of harm? If I were to look at my body, my job - and say I hate it, I would quickly ignore my body and my duties, and everything that I am would suffer. You starve yourself, you deprive your body. You use your willpower - the will of your mind - against your own body."

* * *

He sits back down as if a weight struck him in the chest. "I never thought of it that way." He grumbles quietly. "I take cold… I just started peeing standing up which is not as easy as every girl thinks it is. There are nuances." He grumbles. Then he sighs quietly. "So… listen to my body with food. What if I gain a ton of weight? My brain goes into panic mode after a thousand calories. I just… if I eat all the food…won't I get so heavy?" He rubs his forehead. "I don't want to ignore my body…I want to make sure it thrives."

* * *

"What I would suggest." Aseneth says kindly. "Is instead of asking yourself, in matters of your body, what -you- would prefer - pretend there is another, a boy named Kagami, who was born a nice young man, and became a hacker, and ask yourself what he would like. He doesn't have to want to get fat, but he probably has different urges and needs then you. Pretend you are an actor, acting out a part. You may not -be- him, but you can fake it. Ask yourself what he would do to satisfy his urges, and pretend to be him by doing them, for now."

* * *

Kag nods his head. "See I've tried to act on some urges but I am turned down. Told I'd break if anything happened." He sighs quietly. "I will listen to this sleeve more. I am going to go broke feeding myself." He slowly slouches back and rubs his forehead. "Empty legs I swear to christ."

* * *

"How were you turned down, Kagami?" Aseneth asks. "Tell me more about that."

* * *

Kag blushes and looks down as he rubs his hands over his thighs. "I …and the sleeve are super attracted to Royal. The guy who sent me here. I mean…super." He takes a deep breath. "I asked if him and I could…." His face turns bright red and then he shakes his head. "He said he won't because it would break my mind and he won't be responsible for that."

* * *

Aseneth hmms. "That is more easily solved." she admits. "Though it may take some preparation. Do you have a picture of him - or perhaps, know of an event where I could casually meet him and speak with him in detail, casually?"

* * *

He tilts his head. "I don't do events. I'm a tech." He bites his bottom lip before something clicks. "He's…stalked by camera men so there are lots of videos of him online and in the tabloids and pictures." He sits back. "Careful…he's quite handsome. You might start to like him."

* * *

"Not quite what I had in mind. One moment while I access my ONI." Aseneth says, her synthetic gaze fading out for a moment as she stares into empty space. It lasts several minutes. "This may seem a bit akward, but…one moment." She stands up, and goes into the bathroom. "I'll be right back." she promises.

* * *

The young man grins. "I swear it's a side effect of meeting him. You like him." He points out though he blinks. He nods his head and bows it. He leans back and closes his eyes. He fully relines on the seat with his eyes closed.

* * *

A few moments later, a synthetic imitation of Royal exits the bathroom, wearing a loosely-fitting robe. Its obviously a synthetic imitation - but Aseneth is a /very/ expensive synthetic. The major difference, asside from the slightly fake appearance, is that the body shape wasn't designed to mimic a male, and there's only so much you can do. She also, when she speaks, has the voice off. Its not as if she's spent any time around him studying him, this is just a quick dirty imitation from some hastily-downloaded public records. "He did say he was paying, as I recall."

* * *

Kag tilts his head down and his eyes widen. It takes a moment for it to click in that that's not Royal. A few seconds actually. He pushes himself up and walks over to the synth. He lifts his hand and drops it quickly. He touches his chest. "All these feelings keep welling up at that face." He speaks softly. "It makes me scared, nervous, happy, aroused, and completely helpless."

* * *

"I understand." Aseneth whispers, walking over and moving to touth Kagami's face. "Tell me how you feel, and we'll see where things go. Perhaps you will find this body of yours has its advantages after all."

* * *

He lifts his eyes up and leans into the touch though he does step back. "Just…" He lifts his hands up and brushes them over that face. Tears prick his eyes as he grins and nods. He shakes his head. "I can't." His voice breaks. "It would be a …betrayal of him. I know nothing will happen between him and I but I can't do this."

* * *

"I respect that." Aseneth says. "We won't do anything you don't wish. But he did send you to me. Would you rather sit and talk more about your feelings? I don't mind at all." Quite the contrary - thats usually much more enjoyable work then sex, though obviously the sex pays better.

* * *

He walks over to Aseneth and takes her hand, putting it above where his heart is. It's pounding wildly. "Just from seeing that face." He finally steps back and collapses into a chair. "Yet, he doesn't want me." He looks at his hands and grins. "I respect that. He deserves to find happiness."

* * *

"He clearly also wants you to be happy." Aseneth says, sitting down in the same chair, beside Kagami as room permits. "I am not exactly cheap. Would you like me to show you the per-minute rate?" A pause. "Actually, your better off not knowing. But trust me - he may not love you as you wish, but he must care."

* * *

Kagami takes a deep breath and nods. "I know he does. He said I wasn't hideous." He feels her sit beside him and he hugs himself. "I'm trying to not feel when I'm around him but I can't. He has this way of talking to me which just breaks me."

* * *

"Bodies are shells." Aseneth replies. "So what if you were hideous? I'm not beautiful. Don't confuse the casing with what lies inside the casing. I'm not this body, and you are not that body. You are beautiful - or not - for who you are inside." Another pause. "Take your time. Get your breath. Go on, tell me more."

* * *

He nods his head and wipes his eyes. "His body means more. He can't just change out his body or he loses succession to the throne." He points out. "So his body is all he's got for now." He turns his eyes to that face and looks away. "More about what?" His voice breaks a little.

* * *

"What about him breaks you?" Aseneth explains. "Tell me what you like about him."

* * *

Kag blushes. "His voice…the way he snaps at me when I drive him insane." He grins. "The other night, I just wanted a hug but…I didn't say that and he refused to come close to me so I snapped at him and told him to leave before hiding in my office. He called me a drama queen and told me to come out. Then he hugged me and I melted." He almost purrs. "He smells lovely and his body is strong and his voice is deep and rumbles to my soul. He's also sassy. I like that he's ultra sassy."

* * *

"You have a crush." Aseneth says, smiling. "And your mind is that of a woman, but your body is that of a young man. I can certainly see how that would be quite confusing, and how it would be easy to forget to eat or listen to your body in the grip of such desires. To go through puberty as either gender is hard. To switch hormones all at once, and be in the grip of the raging hormones of a young man - must be overpowering. Add love to that…"

* * *

He blushes and shakes his head but then sighs and blushes. "Love? No." He grumbles quietly. "I will say I have a big crush on the man but love? I don't know him well. Though I would love him to pin me to a wall and kiss me but he is never going to do that." He points out. "He thinks I'm this delicate flower."

* * *

"The hormones of a young man may not care the way your old body or mind cared." Aseneth says. "Think of how young men are. His image flitting into your mind. Constant desire - over and over. And when it leaves your mind, more desire again…." A pause. "Even if your body likes him as your mind does, and I'm glad it does, it must express that in different ways then your old one did." A pause. "Hmm. He sees you as a delicate flower." Another pause. "Have you considered…perhaps taking fighting lessons?"

* * *

He nods his head slowly and blushes. "Reactions happen. Then cold showers." He grumbles. "Fighting lessons? I haven't considered but I find those six pack and nice arm bodies so beautiful. I just have a flat pack." He chuckles, patting his stomach. "Where would I take fighting lessons?"

* * *

"Try not taking cold showers. Try spending some time alone getting to know your body. Its your home - you should get to know it." Aseneth says gently. "Hmm. I'm sure I could find someone. But…how about that fighter who defeated the Meth, Galen? He seems a tough sort. I don't know him, but I've heard much about him, and I think I've seen him from a distance more then once. I bet he could help you turn yourself into something impressive."

* * *

He blushes and grabs the arm of the chair. "You mean… touch my bits?" His face is so red. "I don't want to be huge but when I flex I want that to be obvious." He grins a little. "I have a look in mind but I am sure I could learn!" He grins brightly. He takes a deep breath. "Perhaps I won't be so weak if I get stronger." He face palms. "And I'm supposed to be smart. Can a sleeve's old intelligence affect the new DHF?"

* * *

"I don't know." Aseneth says. "Intelligence is the rate at which you learn. I would guess that, even if the rate is slower, you'd retaine all former intelligence. But I'm not an expert in how that works. I can recommend a good psychiatrist - but I don't know." she says. "However, what I -do- know is that yes, absolutely - you should touch your bits. Often."

* * *

Kag nods his head. "I know all I knew before but lately I've been saying some stupid shit." He grumbles. "I already go to Winter. Really good." He nods his head. Then his face turns bright red. "But how? I am used to batteries not…this!"

* * *

Aseneth rolls her eyes. "Take off your pants and pretend your alone with your good friend. Use your hands and imagine he's having his way with you. You'll figure out the rest on your own."

* * *

He gasps and then he just freezes. Images flash through his mind and his breathing quickens a little. "Isn't that wrong?" His voice barely makes it through that question and he's just staring off into space.

* * *

"Nope." Aseneth says pretty firmly.

* * *

He gulps and touches his stomach idly. "Next time I see him…he'll know." He takes a deep breath and stands up. "At this point I don't care. My body is pulsing."

* * *

"He doesn't care, trust me." Aseneth says. "He sent you to a courtesan to have sex. He wants you to get it out of your system. He wouldn't even care if I looked like you. The hangup is in your mind. You can deny it until your body takes absolute and complete control of you - and its the body of a young man, I assure you it will - or you can give in and manage it. Either way, your going to do it."

* * *

He shivers at the information. He nods his head and bites his bottom lip. "I am not going to use you." He blushes. "But I will… go home and touch my bits." His face turns bright red. "With the lights off and loud music."

* * *

"Technically, if your hangup is batteries, I /am/ a synth." Aseneth reminds. "But good - this is a start. Get to know your body. Stop ignoring it and abusing it. Work out, exercise, take some fighting lessons. Stop treating it like a second-rate computer you plan to replace."

* * *

The blond blinks a few times. "I also still have all the stuff at home, I used to use." He points out quietly. "You've made amazing points. I will start treating this body better. Though I still can't get him even if I do." He chuckles. "Thank you."

* * *

"You need to be good enough for yourself before you can be ready for another person." Aseneth reminds. "As you said - if your really not in love with him, and your problem is the body and the hormones - some time alone will help."

* * *

Kag nods his head. "If it helps me not want to jump on him and beg him to fuck me, I will do anything." He grumbles quietly. "What if it makes it worse?" He asks warily.

* * *

Aseneth considers. "Young men's bodies can be obsessive. If it makes it worse - I will speak to him and we will see. He did, after all, pay your bill. I am certain I can think of a way or two, in the end, to get him out of your mind."

* * *

His ONI lights up as it sends information over to Aseneth's ONI. "I don't like obsessive and you will speak to him?!" He panics a little. "How would you get him out of my head?"

* * *

"Not right now." Aseneth consoles. "Perhaps never. But he is paying your bill. If you have further troubles - if it gets worse - let me know, thats all. I've been doing this job a few years now. I have a lot of experience with men's bodies."

* * *

The young man nods his head. "He is…" He blushes. "Bill him for all of the sex." He grumbles. "Cause… I am going to do stuff I never thought I'd do because of him."

* * *

"We don't lie to our customers, Kagami." Aseneth chides. "The House has a reputation to keep. I only bill him for the sex if you actually do it. I'm not going to ask you to do anything your not comfortable with, or pressure you. But I won't lie for you, either. I'm a paid employee, with benefits, with a reputable job. I see people from many different walks of life. I'm not someone who lies to her customers."

* * *

He grumbles quietly and bites his bottom lip. "But if you don't then he's gunna know I didn't." He blushes and looks at her with those pleading eyes. He glances over to the door and then back to her. "Shit…I'm sorry I can't. He's gunna know…."

* * *

"Its not unusual for people to come to me who are afraid of themselves." Aseneth says. "Sometimes even young couples looking for advice for their first time, if they are both virgins and…unusually inexperienced. But if you don't want to do it, there's nothing wrong with that, either. Would you have sex with someone just to impress another? Is that someone you really respect and feel is healthy? Either some part of you wishes to do it, but your mind does not- and you know there is nothing wrong…" A pause. "Or you disagree with him, and are here against your own morality."

* * *

He frowns. "I am not going to have sex with you just to prove to a man I want to have sex with that sex won't break me." He puts his hands on his hips and takes a deep breath. "I might go out for a cheeseburger though." He grins a little and stretches his arms out idly. "I hope that made sense?"

* * *

"It does." Aseneth says. "I wasn't trying to talk you into it. I was outlining the possibilities. Consider my job; if I wanted to coerce you, I wouldn't use mere words. Whatever decision you make, I will respect. You have full consent. So, in the end, do I. And I think you should go get that cheeseburger."

* * *

He nods his head and takes a deep breath. "I … don't want to right now." He says softly. "I really want that cheeseburger. I've been fantasizing about it for twenty minutes or so." His stomach growls again. "Maybe I'll be back but I do want to say thank you. You've given me perspective."

* * *

"I do have customers who come visit me and never request anything other then conversation." Aseneth says. "It is not, perhaps, the way to the quickest profit, but it is what I prefer. I wish you the best. Go eat, before you starve."

* * *

Kag nods his head. "If you would come out for pizza and beer we can hang out more just… wear … not that face." He looks away and grins. "I am going to go eat all the burgers. Thank you." He heads for the door, putting his shoes back on slowly.

* * *

"I can come out for food, sure." Aseneth replies. "Give me a minute when you head out the door to revert my appearance and change. I don't do that in front of customers."

* * *

He nods his head and finishes getting his shoes on. He moves out the door and leans back against the wall rubbing his stomach and whispering to it.

* * *

Aseneth changes her form, and back to a more appropriate set of clothing, then joins Kagami outside. "Please, lead the way. I don't often get to many burger joints, as it were."